Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
A prostitute who likes bondage is usually strapped for cash.
A transvestite is a man who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
When a bomb goes off in the middle of a herd of cows, there will be udder destruction.
A drunk who works at an upholstery shop is a recovering alcoholic
A butler with no teeth is called an indentured servant.
To circumcise a whale, send down four skin divers.
An award winning dentist will be given a little plaque
Never tell a secret to a pig, it may squeal.
12 months of drinking low-calorie beer is 1 Lite year.
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter is Eskimo Pi
A dry cleaner who is in a hurry for a date will be pressed for time.
Dalmatians can't play hide and seek, because they are always spotted.
One cow spying on another cow is called a steak out.
Part-time bandleaders should be called 'semi-conductors'.
Weathermen know how to talk up a storm
If a can of Pepsi goes to college, it will major in fizz ed.
Since a lawyer joined our nudist colony, he hasn't had a suit.
The inventor of shag carpet made a big pile.
The best time to go to the dentist is tooth hurty.
An arch-criminal is one who robs shoe stores.
A university student got 180 degrees and turned his life around.
An old grave digger is called an elderberry
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
A church's bills are always due unto others
If you go camping in the haunted forest, beware of evil intent.
Cows without legs are ground beef
If you run into a screen door, you're likely to strain yourself.
A butcher who backs into a meat grinder might get a little behind in his orders
Too Punny
Moderator: Lords of The Realm
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Crimson Knightmare
- Dasarian Hero
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- Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 11:37 pm
Yeah... if only they invented a command for copying and pasting text.Crimson Knightmare wrote:Omg XD You have alot of time on your hands tehehe
Good read, by the way.
Last edited by Depheant on Tue Nov 22, 2005 4:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Stonehammer
- Dasarian Hero
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- Location: SE Pennsylvania
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